I do not know how I am going to deal with this. I do not know what I am going to say to Ken. I feel so ashamed and dirty. I played the roll of a slut ...nd I became one? How could he forgive me? How can I forgive myself? Thursday October 30, 1980 Dear Diary: I could not bring myself to write these last three days. My mind has been awash with feelings of dread and anger. I taught my lessons without energy or joy. My steps were so heavy Monday and Tuesday that several students asked why I looked so. He was havinga nocturnal emission."Jesus!" she whispered.She fell asleep and didn't wake up from the deep slumber when sheflooded her panties with her own semen. She was unconsciously pressingher buttocks back against Ray's erection and dreaming a dream that shewould immediately forget when she awoke. She was back on the beach atthe freshwater pool and a faceless stranger was lying on top of her."Rise and shine nurse." John Fitzgibbons gently shook Bobbie awake,careful not wake Ray Millward. It was much easier forher to come to me then for me to make it through the crowd back to her.She and her daughters started pushing through the crowded room and Iturned to sign a few more autographs as I waited. Once they arrived Itook two of the bears from the box."These are special bears for my most special fans," I told the two girlswhile handing them the bears. I could see and hear some jealousy from thecrowd around us, but I didn't care. I got to decide who these bears wentto - nobody else.. In your bed." Oh, that's nice, dear. I hope you didn't make a mess of the bed linens." No, Mom." That's good." Her mother continues paging through the magazine."Something funny?"Derek's voice brought her mind back to the moment. "Oh, no," she said quickly, wiping the smile from her face. "Why don't you sit back and get comfortable?" Yeah, sure -- and uh, why don't you, too?"She made as if to sit next to him -- thoroughly enjoying the panic in his face -- and then walked to the other side of the.
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